G Day Tomorrow

My closest friend, Allison, has been lovingly referring to Gage’s arrival day as G Day for weeks now. We’ve wondered if G Day would happen spontaneously or not. It doesn’t seem to be working out that way. G Day is approaching instead, in the way of a 7 am induction appointment tomorrow. It is finally here. The induction has been scheduled for a week now, and the week has flown by. Friday was my last day at work. Saturday we enjoyed Hudson and Nolan’s birthday party at Trinity Park, where Ella got to take the train ride she has been anxiously awaiting for weeks. Sunday was not a day of rest, as God intended. Instead it was a day of nest, as Mother Nature intended. I cleaned the kitchen, the freezer, the refrigerator, the pantry, my closet and my underwear drawer (goodbye maternity panties). Oh, and finished every single last piece of laundry in my house, and I am determined to leave the house at 6:30 am tomorrow with every piece of laundry still clean. Ryan cleaned the bathrooms and the floors, and finished up a project for Longhorn HOG. We didn’t even start thinking about dinner until 8:30 pm, and didn’t hit the sheets until nearly midnight.

Yesterday was Momma and Ella day. We spent the whole day together and did things that she likes, and I can’t figure out why (wink, wink). First we ate mommy made Mickey Mouse Pancakes and Raspberry Banana Smoothies. Then we watched Fraggle Rock. Then we played kitchen, and I let Ella use real oatmeal (dry) to “cook” and feed her babies. Then we cleaned ALL of her dishes, because the cooking required the use of each and every one of them. We followed house play with McDonald’s play and “yummy” mustard. We went shopping and Ella got to pick out some play clothes for the summer. Ella got a haircut, which makes her feel like a big girl. And finished it all up with a trip to the grocery store where we stocked up on the groceries that we will need over the next few weeks. Ella got to push her own cart! She’ll probably never remember that it was Ella Day. But I always will. I wanted to make sure to shower her with attention and let her have her day, before her baby brother arrived.
Today is…emotional. I dropped Ella off at school this morning, and won’t see her until tomorrow afternoon. She is going to stay at Grammy and Papa’s tonight so we don’t have to interrupt her sleep and schedule early tomorrow morning. Right before we got to her school, I started getting teary eyed. I pulled it together until after I dropped her off, but as soon as my cheeks hit that seat the waterfall started. I felt like I was saying goodbye, but I wasn’t quite sure what I was saying goodbye to. Wasn’t I really saying hello? Hello to a new baby boy tomorrow. Hello to a new child to love. Hello to a growing family. It dawned on me that part of my angst was that with Gage’s arrival, Ella is going to be the BIG sister. She has been my baby for 3 ½ years, and now she is going to be the BIG girl in the house. This is good, because you want your children to grow. This is bad, because you want your children to stay your babies. Which leads me to another of my issues today. My sweet baby boy has been growing inside my tummy for 9 months now. I have loved him from the moment I knew that he was. I have felt him kick, and squirm, and hiccup. Tomorrow, he will no longer be inside my womb. His kicks and squirms and hiccups will be seen and felt by all the others who have loved him since the moment they knew. And praise God that as far as we know he is a healthy baby boy. But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to share him. I felt that with Ella too. I remember after she was born I wanted to lock myself in the room with her and not let anyone else in. Of course, I didn’t, and I won’t with Gage either. But, it does give me a bit of a heartache to let go of being his sole provider. Knowing that sometime tomorrow I will be allowing someone else to hold him and take care of him. Then to top it off, there is the impending labor to worry with. How long will it take? How long will I have to push? Will the epidural work? Should I wait to have one so I can experience some of the labor? All of these thoughts can really put you in a tail spin.

I told myself to snap out of it, but that didn’t work. So, I went and had a pedicure (see last post), and that worked. Now I am home and all the emotions are still circling in my head, but the one emotion that is at the top, is pure joy. Joy to be blessed with another child. Joy to know that my friends and family will be there to meet him. Joy that his sissy already loves him and cannot wait to see his face. Joy that I have a loving, amazing husband who is a wonderful father. Joy to be alive, and to be me. Joy that my mother and father taught me to love and to have emotion. Joy to know that I am in turn teaching my children the same. Joy that tomorrow is finally G Day!!!