Supposedly humans have the ability to forget pain. I wonder if we also have the ability to forget exhaustion? We must. Otherwise I would've known to expect it, right? To expect the overwhelming exhaustion that comes from mothering two young children. I know some of you said “get your rest now”. Or of course, there is always the “sleep when the baby is sleeping”. Yeah right, by the way! What about the 3 year old running around the house? When is she going to let me sleep? Some of you mothers I know could've let me in on the secret. "Hey Ams, you're going to be so tired...and don’t expect to feel rested for a long, long, long time." I wouldn't trade my kids for sleep, but if anyone is up for babysitting, I'd love a nap.
But seriously, I know why you didn’t tell me the secret. I know why you have kept it hidden inside. You know the other part of the secret. The wonderful, amazing, secret of motherhood. You didn’t know it before your first child arrived. But, you knew it before you decided to have the second, third, or more. You knew the risk you were taking. But, you knew the benefits outweighed the risks. You knew the pure joy that comes from putting your darling daughter to bed at night and knowing she’d rather have you there than any other person alive. The sound of her yelling “hi momma!!!” when you walk in the door each day. The sweet smile from your baby boy when you give him a hundred kisses all over. The boo-boos that require only a mommy kiss. The pure, deep and true love you have for your children. The love you didn’t know existed inside of you. The love that God must have for each and everyone of us. That is why you didn’t tell me about the exhaustion. You knew it wouldn’t matter. You KNOW it doesn’t matter.
I cried just the other day watching a movie wedding. At that moment, I could just imagine Ella walking down the aisle. Ella caught me tearing up, and quickly ran to rescue me. She asked me “Why are you crying Mommy”. I responded that I didn’t want her to stop being my baby. She gave me the sweetest hug, kissed me on the cheek and proclaimed “I will always be your baby”. Please God, I hope so. And God, will you make sure Gage feels the same?
Then, yesterday as I drove in my car, after hurriedly feeding Gage on my lunch break, I felt a twang of exhaustion. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw bloodshot eyes, dirty hair, and smeared mascara from the perpetual eye rubbing. And I prayed for strength. I prayed that I would see myself through the eyes of my children. I prayed to be reminded of the beauty in my life and I reminded myself that this wasn’t going to last forever. Moments later, “This Won’t Last for Long” began playing on the radio. And I cried. I thought about every word and how true it is. I thought about my Elle Belle and how tired I was when she was a baby. How, even then, I would pray for rest. I would pray for help. And how I learned the prayer of a mother. The prayer that our children will grow, be healthy and live long lives, but at the same time that they will not grow up too fast. Now I have two children to love, two children to fill my heart with joy, two children who will grow up before my eyes. Two children to hold onto, and two children that I will have to let go of. And like I said before, I wouldn’t trade any of it for sleep. In my opinion, giving up sleep is a bargain. Motherhood wouldn’t be so amazingly rewarding if it were easy. Thank God for my children. Thank God for the blessing of being a mother. Thank God for exhaustion.
But seriously, I know why you didn’t tell me the secret. I know why you have kept it hidden inside. You know the other part of the secret. The wonderful, amazing, secret of motherhood. You didn’t know it before your first child arrived. But, you knew it before you decided to have the second, third, or more. You knew the risk you were taking. But, you knew the benefits outweighed the risks. You knew the pure joy that comes from putting your darling daughter to bed at night and knowing she’d rather have you there than any other person alive. The sound of her yelling “hi momma!!!” when you walk in the door each day. The sweet smile from your baby boy when you give him a hundred kisses all over. The boo-boos that require only a mommy kiss. The pure, deep and true love you have for your children. The love you didn’t know existed inside of you. The love that God must have for each and everyone of us. That is why you didn’t tell me about the exhaustion. You knew it wouldn’t matter. You KNOW it doesn’t matter.
I cried just the other day watching a movie wedding. At that moment, I could just imagine Ella walking down the aisle. Ella caught me tearing up, and quickly ran to rescue me. She asked me “Why are you crying Mommy”. I responded that I didn’t want her to stop being my baby. She gave me the sweetest hug, kissed me on the cheek and proclaimed “I will always be your baby”. Please God, I hope so. And God, will you make sure Gage feels the same?
Then, yesterday as I drove in my car, after hurriedly feeding Gage on my lunch break, I felt a twang of exhaustion. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw bloodshot eyes, dirty hair, and smeared mascara from the perpetual eye rubbing. And I prayed for strength. I prayed that I would see myself through the eyes of my children. I prayed to be reminded of the beauty in my life and I reminded myself that this wasn’t going to last forever. Moments later, “This Won’t Last for Long” began playing on the radio. And I cried. I thought about every word and how true it is. I thought about my Elle Belle and how tired I was when she was a baby. How, even then, I would pray for rest. I would pray for help. And how I learned the prayer of a mother. The prayer that our children will grow, be healthy and live long lives, but at the same time that they will not grow up too fast. Now I have two children to love, two children to fill my heart with joy, two children who will grow up before my eyes. Two children to hold onto, and two children that I will have to let go of. And like I said before, I wouldn’t trade any of it for sleep. In my opinion, giving up sleep is a bargain. Motherhood wouldn’t be so amazingly rewarding if it were easy. Thank God for my children. Thank God for the blessing of being a mother. Thank God for exhaustion.
