Loving Two

I've been anxious this entire pregnancy about the idea of loving two children. How could I love another child as much as I love my sweet Ella. This week when I saw Gage's sweet nose and kissable lips so clear on the sonogram monitor, I knew it was not going to be a problem. I know once I meet him, the love will be much grander than I can imagine now. But, at that moment I caught a glimpse of the sweet emotion of seeing your own child and the amazing love that comes from somewhere below your toes and continues through your soul, expanding out into the vast universe. The overcoming, crazy love you have for your children. The love that I never could have imagined before I had Ella Grace. As it draws nearer to Gage's arrival I am becoming more and more emotional and excited about the blessing of our second child. Today I remembered a story that my friend Ashley sent a couple months ago just prior to the birth of her second and third (twin girls). She also has a 2 year old son. The author is unknown. I felt the need to share the story, as it fits well with my emotions this week.

LOVING TWO

Author Unknown

I walk along holding your 2 year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me". And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't", knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But, then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

And then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of the days with just the two of us in fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you-as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you-only different. And though I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my supply of love. There's enough of that for both of you-you each have your own supply. I love you both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.